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I Faked It for Years — Here’s What Finally Made Me Orgasm
After years of moaning on cue, I finally discovered what my body actually needed—and it changed everything.
Let me just start by saying this: if faking orgasms was an Olympic sport, I’d have at least two gold medals, a Nike sponsorship, and my face on a cereal box.
Seriously.
I was that girl—moaning like a porn star, arching my back, gripping sheets, giving the performance of a lifetime… and then quietly rolling over, unsatisfied and lowkey annoyed. And the worst part? I thought that was normal. I thought that was sex.
But whew, the journey I’ve been on? Let me take you with me, because sis—if you’ve ever faked it, felt broken, or laid there wondering what all the fuss is about… this one’s for you.
Why I Faked It (And Maybe You Have Too)
Let’s be honest: we live in a world that teaches women to perform during sex, not actually feel it.
Porn taught me that being loud meant I was enjoying it. Society taught me that my pleasure was secondary. And somewhere along the way, I picked up this toxic little belief that I was the problem because I couldn’t orgasm from penetration alone.
So instead of exploring what I liked, I became obsessed with being “good at sex”—whatever that even means. I mimicked the girls I saw in porn, moaned on cue, and never once asked for what I really needed: emotional connection, patience, clitoral stimulation (hello?), and space to explore.
Let’s Talk About the Orgasm Gap
I’m not alone here. In fact, let me hit you with a truth bomb:
95% of straight men usually or always orgasm during partnered sex. For straight women? That number drops to around 65%.
And that’s being generous.
So what’s really going on? Here are 5 common reasons why women struggle to orgasm—and how I finally overcame each one.
1. Lack of Clitoral Stimulation
The vagina gets all the hype, but let’s be clear: the clit is the real MVP.
I used to think that if I couldn’t orgasm from penetration alone, something was wrong with me. Spoiler: that’s a lie. The clitoris has over 8,000 nerve endings designed solely for pleasure. And yet, many women have never even looked at theirs, let alone touched it.
Fix it tip: Learn your anatomy. Get curious. Explore solo. I personally love Tenera 2 for clitoral stimulation—it’s a gentle but powerful air suction toy that changed the game for me.
Bonus resource: Beducated’s guided self-pleasure course gave me a whole new understanding of my body and how it actually responds to touch (not just what I thought it was supposed to like).
2. Porn-Driven Performance Anxiety
Let’s talk about the porn problem.
Don’t get me wrong—I’m not anti-porn. But I am anti-BS. Watching too much mainstream porn made me believe sex had to be loud, rough, and fast-paced. I’d be mentally rehearsing my moans, wondering if I looked sexy from that angle, and ignoring the fact that I was emotionally disconnected and dry as the Sahara.
Fix it tip: Unlearn the performance. Reconnect with the experience. Try audio erotica or feminist porn that centers female pleasure and emotional connection. Or better yet—ditch the porn for a while and focus on your inner fantasies.
3. Sexual Shame and Upbringing
Raise your hand if you grew up thinking sex was dirty, bad, or only okay after marriage. 🙋🏽♀️
Shame was embedded deep into my body. Even when I wanted pleasure, I felt like I didn’t deserve it. That shame made it hard to relax, and if your body doesn’t feel safe? You’re not going to orgasm.
Fix it tip: Healing shame takes time and practice. I did the inner work with journaling, therapy, prayer, and even courses like Sh! Women’s Sexual Confidence Workshop. If you’re a book girlie, I highly recommend Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. It helped me understand that I’m not broken—and neither are you.
4. Not Knowing What You Like
I used to say “I don’t know” whenever someone asked what turned me on. Now I know better—“I don’t know” just meant I hadn’t given myself permission to explore.
Fix it tip: Turn your bedroom into a research lab. Touch yourself. Watch your body respond. Take mental notes. Try different types of touch, pressure, toys, fantasies. Don’t rush. Don’t judge. You’re discovering the language of your body.
Helpful tool: My favorite discovery tool is My Happy V’s discovery set. They’ve got lubricants, wipes, and vaginal health products that made me feel clean, confident, and curious.
5. Poor Communication in Bed
I once had sex with someone for months and never told them that I didn’t like the way they kissed. Why? Because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings.
Y’all.
Fix it tip: Closed mouths don’t get fed—or pleasured. It’s okay to say, “Slower,” “Can you do that again?” or “Actually, this isn’t working for me.” Speaking up is sexy. And if your partner doesn’t respond well? That’s a red flag, not a you problem.
Need help practicing? I loved Beducated’s course on sexual communication — it helped me find the words, set boundaries, and feel powerful in and out of bed.
The Truth About My First Orgasm With Another Person
It wasn’t perfect. In fact, the first time my wife and I had sex? Awkward.
We were both trying so hard to impress each other, in our heads instead of in our bodies—overthinking every move, analyzing every sound, hyper-aware of how we looked instead of how we felt. It was like we were both performing for an invisible audience instead of actually connecting.
But the second time?
Something shifted.
We slowed down. We paid attention. We stopped trying to impress and just started exploring—with curiosity, softness, and intention. My wife wasn’t in a rush to “get to it.” She took her time. She asked questions. She watched my reactions and adjusted. She didn’t just want to have sex—she wanted to please me.
And for the first time, during partnered sex, I actually let go.
I felt safe. Seen. Desired.
And then I felt something else—an actual orgasm building from real pleasure, not pressure. No faking, no acting, no guesswork.
Just deep, delicious release.
It wasn’t loud or dramatic—it was slow and body-melting and real. The kind of orgasm that stays with you because it’s not just physical—it’s personal.
And that changed everything.
Let’s Normalize the Journey
You’re not broken if you haven’t orgasmed yet. You’re not doing it wrong if you need help getting there. You’re not alone in this.
Your pleasure matters. Your desires are valid. And you don’t need to fake anything to be sexy or wanted. You just need the tools, the space, and the freedom to explore.
And I’m right here with you.
Let’s stop faking it and start feeling it, babe.
xx,
Traci
Founder of Hard Press, Recovering Orgasm Faker, and Your Sexually Liberated Internet Bestie